That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
