I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
