Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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