I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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