I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
