i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
