Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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