i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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