Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
