Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She said her name was "party"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
