I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
