My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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