I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize