I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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