We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize