walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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