Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
