The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
