I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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