Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
