I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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