PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
