I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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