Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
smell my finger.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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