Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You need Xanax blowdarts
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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