If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
