Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
