I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
