Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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