The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
