i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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