I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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