even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
