What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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