so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
