I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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