My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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