If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize