guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
