We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
