It's just like the Real World with babies
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
