ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't deserve a penis
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I didn't notice because vodka
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
