You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
They have beer where we have blood.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
