Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
