It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
