i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
