I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
