If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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