The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
