I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
