Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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