I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
