I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
