If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
