my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
