New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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