I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize