I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Your cock deserves a montage
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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