You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
