Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
