If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
