I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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