its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
