So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
