My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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