not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
