Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
