he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
