Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I can tuck mytits in my pants
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Randomize
