That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
