This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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