drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize