remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
