I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
