the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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