Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
